Now if you knew me you’d know I have an extremely high criteria when it comes to choosing who I go out with. The more experience I have, the more I expect from a man and there are some very basic rules I find it very hard to veer away from I mean my strict check list, which contains bullet points such as:
- Must be over 30 but under 40
- Must be over 6ft
- Must have job and not live at home with mum
- Must be able to pay his own way (as I do this – so definitely need a man to be able to too)
- Must not have a crazy ex
- Must be good looking to a head turning point
You get the gist.. This obviously limits my choices of men a lot, but the list was put in place after many grim experiences, so I felt it necessary to mentally lay out what I want and definitely do not want.
So when I got Twitter chatting to a very young man – I knew in my heart of hearts nothing would ever come of it due to his age, which was 23 – 9 years younger than me (GASP!!!) but when he sent me DM after DM on Twitter I replied in a friendly manner, after all I absolutely hate coming across as rude and too big for my own boots.
Somehow this young dude’s persistence meant that eventually I added him to my whatsapp so we could chat on the phone and in his defense I didn’t feel his young-ness shining through.
Well apart from when he mentioned his love for cartoon Network. But I let that one slip!
He made it clear on numerous occasions he wanted to meet me, and also what he would do to me if we should meet, and my curiosity got the better of me and I eventually agreed to meet- just for a drink you understand.. I had let myself be told that young men can come in handy (and we all like a handy man as a back up) as they have bags of energy and are keen to learn and please, and so well I was going through a dry patch – so to speak, so figured I had nothing to lose by meeting him.. Right!!
We met on a weeknight in a local bar and upon first introductions I can’t say I felt an instant attraction, he really looked too young and I felt extremely self conscious when entering the bar as I felt everyone would be staring at me and whispering “Cougar” in the corners.. Which is actually partly one of the reasons I had told myself never to date a younger guy. I’d hate to feel old- when I don’t normally feel old at all..
I imagined people staring at us wondering if I was his teacher perhaps, maybe his adoptive mother. Not the greatest feeling when one just wants to have a lovely evening.
We sat down and started talking and he was making no moves whatsoever to get the drinks in -even after a few heavy hints from me, he still didn’t budge, so I eventually offered to go and get the drinks.. This is where it started going wrong and I knew it..
He proceeded to talk about his home life which consisted of his mum, his mum’s partner, his brother, and sister and other brother and sister.. Either he lived in an East End mansion or he shared room with a sibling! I just couldn’t relate to this as I had left home by 17, and felt I was talking to a teenager if I’m frank!
I got the drinks and asked if we should eat.. He pointed at his bag and said he had food in there.. I was rather flabbergasted as what was he going to do? Bring out his mums’ finest Tupperware and ask to borrow the microwave?
I still don’t know what relevance his packed lunch / dinner had to our date, I really hope he had no intentions of whipping it out and eating it in a bar..
Anyway I was hungry so we ordered food and got eating.. He ordered a drink I’d never even heard of and that made me feel like I wasn’t really down with the kids- apparently this drink was all the rage.. What is wrong with a bottle of fine wine I say!?
I knew that nothing was going to develop between us and had this feeling of “I knew I was right not to date a young guy, as he’s just a boy” feeling the whole way through, and wanted to leave, but wanted to at least finish my meal, a girl’s got to eat after all!
We got to the awkward bill bit of the evening and I insisted we share the bill but he took it and went to the bar to pay, and I thought that was nice of him at least, don’t get me wrong I always offer to pay half and would never go on a date if I knew I was a bit brassic as I’d hate coming across as a money grabbing expectant woman.
He returned to me looking rather downtrodden and I had a fleeting thought of him telling me his card had been declined and it wasn’t far off, as he proceeded to explain that his card didn’t work so he was going to pop out to the cash point.. I actually thought to myself that he would do a runner to get out of paying the bill- Yeah I forgot to say I am a bit pessimistic when it comes to men!
He came back with the biggest “head hang” ever, and I just knew I was about to hear another excuse and I wasn’t wrong – “I brought the wrong card out” he said, and well I just took it like the “older woman” that I am and said “Oh well, here’s the money, can you go and pay now there’s a dear” and he did, and I was hoping so hard that he felt truly embarrassed and that he KNEW that he had just killed ANY hope of us meeting again..
I am 100% sure he had no money – but then why come on a date? To embarrass yourself like that? Well it was majorly off putting and as we parted ways, he was adamant that “next time” he would take me out and treat me.
When I heard from him later that night I told him in no uncertain terms that there would be no “next time” and the poor love flipped out and abused me and shouted at me (yes he called and shouted down the phone at me)- saying I was shallow and a bitch and a cow and selfish and cold and well I remained as calm and dignified as I could as he was simply proving my whole point about dating a younger man..
He had convinced himself we were going to become an item (how deluded can you get..?) and by me pointing out otherwise – well he obviously felt very scorned. All I could do was shake my head and tell myself that “Well at least I tried it, and proved myself right” and that – even if nothing else did, pleased me as I like to be right 🙂
I am a woman after all…